Leave me alone!

This will be a brief update.. I'm actually on my way out.

I just felt like I needed to say this before I go...

Don't act as if you think you know somebody you clearly don't!

Don't say "I understand" or try to find answers in others childhood!

Just, leave them alone...

Leave me alone.

I don't need anybody's shoulder and defiantly no advice.

so.. Don't try to "fix" people whom's soul you can not reach.

UPDATE. (below)

So now I've got some time to explain this in a more complicated-yet-reasonable kind of way.. kind of.

Anyways...

So what I am trying to say with this, is not that 'I' am sad or depressed or anything. I, as so many others misunderstood and silent people, don't like to talk about stuff that conceders our feelings. It just doesn't "help" to talk about it, or "get it off my chest" or what ever.

All people have their own way to process difficulties. Most people talks about it with somebody, but there is people who don't, and those who don't, at least 30% of them don't NEED to either. If you're worried about a friend who doesn't talks to much about whom self.. Just let it be, or YOU will end up getting hurt.

(My english was clearly better yesterday..... sorry (￣○￣)

Sayonara .

(What’s your name? O namae was nan desu ka? (O namae wa?)

How old are you? Nansai desu ka? (Nansai?)

I have to go now Ima ikanai to ikemasen

I had fun today! Kyo wa tanoshikatta!

See you tomorrow Ja, mata ashita)

I want to be a raindrop.

What can I cay... I just throw together something as fast as i could (refers to the header, or whatever it's called.)

Anyways.. Here comes my unsteady english again.

I just read my friends previous text below, and what can I say? I wish I could feel that way for somebody. I wish I could loose all sense and control, just for once, now when I finally knows what it's all about. But no. And it's okey, because "I don't have time for such things" and "I don't want to get tied down" and of course "Nobody will be able to take anything from me if I walk alone", I got all excuses in the world. The somewhat ironic part of it, is that it's all true. We actually had this "let's discuss your future-plans and dreams"-kind of conversations round the kitchen table the other day. Everything seemed fine, they didn't even crack any "that's impossible, Ow you, so young and naive"-jokes, which means that they actually support this (even though my funny-ass-father made some lame jokes like "was it Japan-China-Japan-China OR China-Japan-China-Japan *giggle?). Anyways, the whole conversation ended with ONE warning, one person can alone hinder your plans from being realized, be careful if you fall in love. So I "Decided" not to fall.

It rained a bit today, I was warm inside when I felt the rain on my cheeks. I took of my cap and let the rain stream down my hair. Oh god I've missed the rain.

I wish I could be a raindrop. Because when they fall, they fall together. They're all unique and carries their own baggage from all different places of the world. Even if they fall over and over again, they always finds a way back to the sky, and hopefully, they get to stay above the skylight for a while, before it's time to fall again.

There's something special about the sky. Because it's the same regardless of where you are, it'll always be there, stronger than anything else. When I stand in the rain or admire the stars, I get a feeling of inferiority, hope and trust. It makes me believe in god or a higher power of some sort, and I can just breath.

Anyways, I simply have a 'think' for rain and umbrellas...

雨

Late Winter Ponderings

Me thinks my friend should make a new banner.... *wink wink, nudge nudge* =) 

Written December 25th, 12.49 AM, 2009. About nothing and nobody in particular. ^.^

I want to believe in something for the sake of purpose, of significance.

Always in the back of my mind, you are there. 

Keeping me somewhat intact, preventing me from drifting away 

Into a fabric of loneliness, each thread an interlaced depression.

Reasoning with life doesn't work anymore, not for me at least.

Not since I got here, not since I effectively eliminated you from my life.

Now it's all about going about daily routines mindlessly, aimlessly, 

And sometimes, every now and then, after another day in shades of grey,

I sit back in this chair, in this room, late at night, and my thoughts cease.

For three seconds, I feel like the world is spinning without me - Forever.

For three seconds, I am completely frozen in time, and everything loses its meaning.

An overwhelming sensation brings me back to my chair, to this room, this white noise,

And my mind sends one single signal throughout my body, activating one emotion.

Tilting my head back, looking at the ceiling...

I feel insignificant.

Insignificant in this city, this society, this world. Insignificant to you. 

We used to be close. We used to pop in movie after movie throughout entire nights,

Just talking about everything and nothing, endless sentences and verbalized thoughts escaping our lips,

Not paying attention to any of the movies for one second. We only had time for us.

We used to philosophize on that mountain behind your house.

Gazing up at the night sky, we discussed the origin of human emotions.

Are our emotions just a product of what chemicals and signals do to our minds?

Or are these bodies a reflection of some tormented soul inside of us, giving us a deformed purpose?

You, the rational, scientific person that you are, think we're just another species trying to survive.

I'm beginning to agree. I can't find reason anywhere anymore. 

You really loved those stars up in the sky. I loved listening to you talk about them.

Can you explain supernova's one last time? 

Look at that star in the corner of your eye. In that mirror of yours, do you see it?

It used to shine for me.

Ernie... Let's be friends?