FranzEdward's senaste inlägg bringade många minnen till mig när jag läste det. Minnen om gungande. Minnen om promenader. Oftast inte ena utan den andre, speciellt när dessa aktiviteter gjordes i hennes sällskap, och ofta inte utan antingen lite dagg eller ösregn. Dock har jag aldrig funderat på ögonblicket då allt står stilla i höjdpunkten i en gungning. Det får undersökas i sommar =)
I hate birthdays.
I hate the pathetic family gatherings on birthdays.
I hate all the congratulations I recieve on birthdays.
I hate being woken up at 6 in the morning and get food shoved on to my lap, being expected not to feel sick from eating at such an atrocious time of day.
And gifts on christmas beat birthday presents any day. I tend to just ask kindly for some spare cash for me to spend on a couple meals at fast food restaurants, since food makes me more happy than a couple shirts and half a dozen pairs of socks.
I hate birthdays.
So was I ever happy when I realized my 18th birthday would take place up in the air on a commercial airplane heading towards Europe. And since I knew that the precise time of my birthday was April 2nd at 00:48 AM, I went ahead and assumed that none of the people that knew me on the same plane would be awake to congratulate me as the clock ticked and marked my eighteenth year on this godforsaken planet.
I usually don't care much for my birthdays, but since this was my 18th and the circumstances made it less aggravating, I decided to try to enjoy this one and asked the person sitting next to me (A school mate also going on the trip I was on) for his watch an hour before I'd turn a year older. I also decided I'd watch Crazy Heart, a movie I've wanted to see ever since Jeff Bridges got an Oscar for his performance in it. So I was happy as could be while waiting for the time to pass me by.
At 00.38, Bad Blake (Jeff Bridges) performs a country song in a local bar with some newbie band mates, sweaty, scruffy and drunk out of his wits, and forgets the words for his own song. I pause it to absorb the moments leading up to my silent birthday, and check out the GPS map in front of me. The plane is right above the southeast coast of Greenland, and there's some sort of marked location on the coast with a strange name I can't pronounce, nor remember anymore, though it may be the one marked on the map below. Sitting in the middle section, obviously I have no window seat. But I look to the left and see the sun rising out of one of the windows, and it must have been beautiful up close. I look to the right hand windows and see nothing but darkness. How the sun was rising to my left, which would be north, I have no clue of, but I don't really care.
5 minutes left. I decide it'd be fitting to think of my life up until this point, and contemplate over what has been worthwhile. Unfortunately I'm not that deep of a person when it comes down to it, and started to just think of the pointlessness of it all. Original, I know. /wrists.
One minute left. The plane moved over one pixel on the screen, and I'm watching the seconds tick away on my travel buddy's watch. A baby coughs. A toilet gets flushed, probably waking up the people sitting near it. Some minor turbulence occurs. The constant noise of air rushing past the airplane's shell is as loud as ever.
00:48:01. It happened and I didn't feel a thing. I've never felt such anticlimax. I assume this is what it must be like to not ejaculate during sex while watching your partner fake an orgasm louder than a bull snorting weed (Logic = wtf?!?). To top it all off, when I resume my movie, Bad Blake rushes outside midway through the song to vomit in a trashcan, dropping his sunglasses right in the mess. I somehow feel it was directed at me, for whatever reason.
But I was still very happy. I am now allowed to do what I want after all. My two friends in the row in front of me (one of which has now decided to erase me from her life without explanation, oh joy!) didn't turn around to yell at my face. Nobody rushed over singing happy birthday, a song which I will someday revise so gruesomely it will never be sung again.
Instead, all the yelling and singing happened once we landed. Oh dammit... But what can you do?
___________________
The dead leaf awaits
A chilling wind to pass by
Trembling, it lets go
A chilling wind to pass by
Trembling, it lets go
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